Sometimes a broken promise is the BEST thing that can happen to us.
I'll journal more later....
Monday, May 16, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
lessons from a treadmill
So our gym got these fancy new treadmills and ellipticals in the other day. Of course I am MUCH too IMPULSIVE to sit down and read the instructions - it ONLY makes sense to me to hop on and figure it out as I am going (like MUCH of what I do ... ACT now and think later). So I hit the quick start and all this confusing high tech stuff appears. My strategy now is to cover the dash with my sweatshirt so that I have NO idea what it is telling me to do. Out of sight out of mind right? A few minutes later I peek under the sweatshirt and I see in BRIGHT RED LETTERS "20% DONE". I was quite impressed with this new machine. It didn't even know how long I was going to be on, but yet it was telling me I was 20% done. I keep running and 20 minutes later it says 50% done! I like things that think for me. I kept thinking "but what if I jump off NOW, it would be WRONG, I'd be 100% done".... but I kept running. Then I got to 75% done. I was getting excited knowing that I was going to stop running and sweating soon (I enjoy weights but not thrilled with cardio). Then I started REALLY thinking (this is where things get dangerous for me).... this treadmill is MUCH like life.
We do NOT know when our earthly life will end. We do NOT know if it's today, tomorrow or 30 years from now. What if we ALL walked around with PERCENTAGES on our foreheads "40% done, 10% done, 99.9% done". Would we treat the 99.9% different knowing today is their last day? Would WE LIVE differently if we had that information? What if we saw a child with an 80% on their forehead? Why does the finality of someone's life all of a sudden motivate us to act differently? What gives us that compassion? The information? The situation? What COMPELS us? What motivates us? Pain, Suffering and Trials are sure way to motivate a person either ONE way or another!
Part of me died in December. My dream for my family died. My marriage died. My pride died. My APATHY died. So much died, which ALLOWED SO MUCH MORE TO COME ALIVE!!!!!!!! As I sat in Kingsley's office that day in December, his words haunt and encourage me. He was telling me he wanted a divorce, he found someone else, but that this was GOING TO BE GOOD FOR ME. He said I would grow through the pain and trial of it, he kept saying over and over again, "you'll come out of this so STRONG". Though I hated what he was doing and hated even MORE that he had the knowledge to KNOW that truth and STILL choose the path he was, I KNEW HE WAS RIGHT. There sat a man doing something so wrong, but speaking so right. It was quite confusing and yet comforting? Very odd. (disclaimer: Just because good came out of it for me, does NOT mean he is not accountable to God for his actions and disobedience)
I am NOT the same person I was. Oh I still have the same personality and probably "look" the same, but internally I am changed - I am ALIVE. Someone else's actions, sins, choices have benefited MY LIFE! Does this happen to everyone??? Absolutely NOT! (Eph 2:8-9 "For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God;not as a result of works, so that no one may boast). I can NOT boast in what GOD has done.
I've seen people so bitter and angry for YEARS and YEARS. They may walk around saying the right things, but they are devastated, ENSLAVED, that someone rejected them, left them, cheated on them, that God allowed a son, daughter, husband, friend die. They are miserable with the things they can not change. They live as a victim rather than the conquerer. (Romans 8:37 "in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us"). My heart breaks for such a person ... for God has GIVEN US EVERYTHING we need for life and godliness (1 Peter)... and it may NOT be a husband, it may NOT be a wife, it may NOT be a house, it may NOT be money, it may NOT be a child.... but it is CHRIST and His Word. We are RUNNING a race - this is INDEED the MOST important and ONLY race we have.. .our own life and what we do with it. We, as believers, should be running and sweating constantly! Every single day I have a choice, YOU have a choice to serve ourself or serve our Father. Live according to our flesh, or our spirit. Live enslaved or live set free. Live like we are dead or live like we are alive. We have a choice to choose joy or choose suffering. We can choose to love, there is NO law against it.
The funny thing about the treadmill was I had planned to stay on 45 minutes, but as I got off it said 60 minutes. I just followed it's demands that i was 50% done, 75% done, then 100% done. I surpassed my goal without even knowing it.
We set out with goals, dreams, desires, aspirations, and they may not come to fruition in the way we think they will, it's possible they come out MORE wonderful than we ever imagined. (Proverbs 16:9 "The mind of man plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps.")
We do NOT know when our earthly life will end. We do NOT know if it's today, tomorrow or 30 years from now. What if we ALL walked around with PERCENTAGES on our foreheads "40% done, 10% done, 99.9% done". Would we treat the 99.9% different knowing today is their last day? Would WE LIVE differently if we had that information? What if we saw a child with an 80% on their forehead? Why does the finality of someone's life all of a sudden motivate us to act differently? What gives us that compassion? The information? The situation? What COMPELS us? What motivates us? Pain, Suffering and Trials are sure way to motivate a person either ONE way or another!
Part of me died in December. My dream for my family died. My marriage died. My pride died. My APATHY died. So much died, which ALLOWED SO MUCH MORE TO COME ALIVE!!!!!!!! As I sat in Kingsley's office that day in December, his words haunt and encourage me. He was telling me he wanted a divorce, he found someone else, but that this was GOING TO BE GOOD FOR ME. He said I would grow through the pain and trial of it, he kept saying over and over again, "you'll come out of this so STRONG". Though I hated what he was doing and hated even MORE that he had the knowledge to KNOW that truth and STILL choose the path he was, I KNEW HE WAS RIGHT. There sat a man doing something so wrong, but speaking so right. It was quite confusing and yet comforting? Very odd. (disclaimer: Just because good came out of it for me, does NOT mean he is not accountable to God for his actions and disobedience)
I am NOT the same person I was. Oh I still have the same personality and probably "look" the same, but internally I am changed - I am ALIVE. Someone else's actions, sins, choices have benefited MY LIFE! Does this happen to everyone??? Absolutely NOT! (Eph 2:8-9 "For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God;not as a result of works, so that no one may boast). I can NOT boast in what GOD has done.
I've seen people so bitter and angry for YEARS and YEARS. They may walk around saying the right things, but they are devastated, ENSLAVED, that someone rejected them, left them, cheated on them, that God allowed a son, daughter, husband, friend die. They are miserable with the things they can not change. They live as a victim rather than the conquerer. (Romans 8:37 "in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us"). My heart breaks for such a person ... for God has GIVEN US EVERYTHING we need for life and godliness (1 Peter)... and it may NOT be a husband, it may NOT be a wife, it may NOT be a house, it may NOT be money, it may NOT be a child.... but it is CHRIST and His Word. We are RUNNING a race - this is INDEED the MOST important and ONLY race we have.. .our own life and what we do with it. We, as believers, should be running and sweating constantly! Every single day I have a choice, YOU have a choice to serve ourself or serve our Father. Live according to our flesh, or our spirit. Live enslaved or live set free. Live like we are dead or live like we are alive. We have a choice to choose joy or choose suffering. We can choose to love, there is NO law against it.
The funny thing about the treadmill was I had planned to stay on 45 minutes, but as I got off it said 60 minutes. I just followed it's demands that i was 50% done, 75% done, then 100% done. I surpassed my goal without even knowing it.
We set out with goals, dreams, desires, aspirations, and they may not come to fruition in the way we think they will, it's possible they come out MORE wonderful than we ever imagined. (Proverbs 16:9 "The mind of man plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps.")
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