CHANGE IS GOOD

CHANGE IS GOOD, CHANGE IS GOOD CHANGE IS GOOD.... do you think if I say it enough I'll believe it??? lol... I believe so:) We ALL love stability, routine, schedules EVEN BABIES are secure knowing "what comes next". I've always been a erratic person, so routine wasn't part of my nature. HOWEVER, after having the twins I realize it's a "MUST" and that NOTHING will get accomplished without it. I've learned to LOVE a schedule (though still loving a spontaneous adventure), but I've loved it to a fault. The "new" me has impressed my husband when dinner is made, dishes done, floors mopped, laundry (not just DONE but put away), toys organized, clean sheets on beds, shutters are dusted and so on, but I've realized I've sacrificed something in the process.... my kids. I've given them the impression that I don't have time to color with them, to play games with them, to pretend play, to tell stories, jump on the trampoline, to go on nature hikes or trips to the park. Instead they've come to realize "cleaning is MOST important". It breaks my heart to even write that. I'm flawed (in WAY TOO MANY ways:) I'm constantly telling my kids "you have to be flexible, things change"... but yet, I've failed in taking my own advice. I can't just walk away from laundry and actually am upset when it's interrupted (by dirty diapers, or someone "needing" me). I'm not sure how this happened, but it has. I'm a STAY AT HOME MOM, who isn't really "home" or "present" when my kids need me and today it not only got my attention but has convicted me. I'm NOT saying the opposite should be true. We should spend ALL day doting and catering to kids and neglecting our other responsibilities, but the key is balance. I believe that is the key to most of life. We are constantly trying to find the balance.

I thank my church for indirectly teaching me this. Our church has been through SO many changes in the last few months. It started with church discipline of an elder, which resulted in half our church body leaving. Then after a few weeks, our Senior Pastor took a job in church planting and missions. We then merged with a well known church in the valley, Cornerstone, Francis Chan becoming our pastor. The next week one of our elders tells us he's moving up north for missions work, then ANOTHER elder is moving (due to job transfer). I start looking around the church, MY FAMILY, and I realize I don't even recognize anyone ... things are "changing" and they are changing quickly. Today we received word that Francis Chan is now leaving and starting a ministry in LA city. Every week someone leaves and there is instability ..... or is there??? God is our constant, he is the NEVER CHANGING GOD, who we CAN trust. He doesn't leave. He doesn't change, He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. Oh what a comfort. We can not say this of any other person. We want to trust our parents, our spouses, our kids, but if ALL our hope lies in them, we are setting ourselves up for a huge let down. I'm not saying these people don't have good intentions, because they do, but are not intended to take the place of God. I've let that happen, but thankfully God has shown his grace upon me to open my eyes to the this deceptive thinking. Change, outside of God, is inevitable. The faster I realize that the faster I can grow and develop and mature my thinking. My life changed drastically when I realized I was pregnant a 3rd time, then received the gift of that 3rd AND 4th child. My life is CONSTANTLY changing with their changes. Two babies walking is a whole new ball game. Jobs change, people change, government and economy change, kids grow up, people die, nothing stays the same, NO MATTER HOW HARD WE TRY TO MAKE IT. We may love the comfort of routine, but we need to learn to love the instability of change as well, because it IS our promised future. I know we weren't called to live "comfortable lives", but to live OUTSIDE our comfort level.... to take risks, to be hurt, to fail so that we can get BACK up and try again. It's a beautiful thing to fail, it gives yet ANOTHER opportunity to succeed. So in my failings as a mother, I WILL rejoice in that God has allowed me another day to get back up and try again. I hope and pray my kids learn this in life. I want them to KNOW they are important, but that I can NOT take the place of God in their life. I pray that I have wisdom in knowing how to incorporate this into daily activities and life lessons.

Sorry to ramble.... blogging can be scary at times, bc you open yourself up to be real and criticized for what you believe and how you do things...... but also a good way to challenge yourself to live authentically.

On a side note, I believe Slade has learned his new (AND ONLY) "trick". He can shake his head "no" and laugh... he'll do it for hours... (which tells me he HEARS IT A LOT FROM ALL OF US)... Ramsey on the other hand has NO IDEA what that means or why he is doing it. She will sit and clap though, at his antics. They amuse me with how they interact. The nursery at church told me that they have formed their OWN "clique". They like to play together but don't include the other babies... LOL.... maybe a twin thing? I don't know, but the thought makes me laugh. They tell me Ramsey is the ring leader and Slade just follows her around. She may be tiny, but she's wearing the pants in that relationship:)

We are off to see the poppies in FULL bloom.... here's to HOPING all kids are awake and smiling for some pictures.... don't be surprised if #3 child is screaming though.