It's been awhile.

Why is it that we wait until something MAJOR happens before we truly appreciate what is in front of us? For instance, a diagnosis of cancer, or a heart attack, getting into a car accident, a terminally ill child? I read a mother write on her blog today (in regards to her son who is soon to pass away from CF at 7 years old) "it makes me FURIOUS to see mother's yell at their children for not being able to tie a shoe, or because they are running late to some insignificant event". She can't fathom for a moment treating her son in a way b/c he has about a week left of life. She is focused on easing his pain, loving him every single second because she knows how quickly his time here on earth is ending. I can't even to begin to imagine what this mother is going through, but at one time she said the SAME thing about other mother's going through similar situations. We NEVER know at any given moment what God is going to allow in our lives by way of sickness or death. I'm not making the argument we live in fear, by NO MEANS, but to expect this life to be free of pain and heartbreak is foolishness. There WILL be trials. There WILL be suffering. We WILL be let down. We will experience things we never wished we had. Each of us has our own "story". We have our own set of "trials" that we think no one understands but "us". We all can have a pity party and think or "story" is the worst. Some have a child addicted to drugs. Some have had a cheating spouse. Some have been the cheating spouse. Some have had addictions to pornography. Some have been self righteous. Some have been apathetic. Some have been through divorce. Some have been married WISHING they were divorced. Some have had sickness rob their family of a loved one. Some can't live without meds. Some have lost a child. Some can't have a child. And the list goes on. We ALL are ego centric to some point. We ARE humans.

We have but ONE hope.... Christ. So cliche I know. But to endure all these trials and still be a light, we need to trust that HE is the author of ALL things and allows them to come into our life for OUR good. Nothing goes unnoticed by "Him".
I heard someone the other day talking about how God "tests" us. And many of times we get angry and wonder "why me?"... we view God in a negative way b/c we don't like the "test" we are under. But like any GOOD teacher, she will test her students, not out of cruelty, but out of necessity to see where her students are. What do they know, what don't they know? She NEEDS to test them to evaluate what to be working on with them. Where do they need to improve? So tests are GOOD, even if they don't feel like it. We can PRAISE God for caring enough to test us and be involved in our lives instead of being just our "creator" who leaves us alone and isn't personally involved in EVERY aspect of our lives. What an AMAZING God we serve.

I say this, because I am struggling. (not going to air all my struggles and pretend that MY struggles are WORSE or more important than anyone elses), but I am struggling with some tough things and I NEED to preach to myself or my own negative thoughts will swallow me up and get the best of me. I NEED to remember who I am in Christ, and what my purpose here on earth is. I NEED to understand that life is short. (no I'm not dying... well we all are, kind of... but no medical diagnosis of anything).

So much more I need to say (mostly to myself) but my sweet Saylor is BEGGING me to play barbie's... and she keeps hearing mommy say "one more minute honey" or "maybe later"... but this is my point... we may not have "later". The mother I mentioned in the blog doesn't have a "later". Her son died this morning. She would have put down her computer in a second if he even had the energy to ask her to play barbie's (or lego's). So I am off to play barbie's and enjoy my daughter.